All In the Name of Family History

I've been really struggling to want to blog and I really can't put my finger on why. In a way I feel like I have nothing to blog about anymore, which I know is not true. I have Eleanor's journey to record however 'normal' that may be. I recently have been looking into my family history and the stories I have been reading about my ancestors has given me the desire to redirect my attention back to my blog. I'm so grateful that I did record Jonas' and Maggie's short lives here.

I won't lie and say we're completely fine and going about our lives just great, cause we're not. We're not terrible by any means, but like we learned with Jonas' passing, we are forever changed. 

And that change takes some time to deal with and learn to incorporate in your life. 

We miss Maggie deeply. It takes our breath away at times and hurts so much you want to do nothing at all. The unexpected timing of her passing has made this feel more difficult to accept. So on the outside we are being strong and going on day by day, smiling, laughing and truly enjoying Eleanor, but on the inside we are crumbling a little and fighting to keep rebuilding our pieces. Life took us on a journey to Holland, a place we never, ever wanted to go to, but a place that we grew to love and deeply cherish. Now that we have left, all we want is to be back in Holland. 

There are so many things to be grateful for right now though, things that keep us moving forward and pushing us to be happy. 

First of all my testimony of the truth and knowledge that I will be with my family again and be reunited together forever. It's that knowledge that keeps me getting up every morning and that knowledge that makes what happened bearable. Because I also know that Jonas' and Maggie's life had a purpose and there was a greater plan in store for them after this life. That their life was a gift to me from a very loving Heavenly Father. The challenges and heartache were a gift because God only gives good gifts. It might not have been the gifts we were expecting or looking for, but in the end they were the gifts that I needed. Most importantly, Jonas and Maggie helped me see the love and tender mercies that our Heavenly Father will freely give us and how much he wants to be apart of our lives if we let him. I challenge you to let him in, let him bless you and help you and be happy in this life. 

Eleanor of course is another blessing in our lives that is making us happy! Actually extremely happy. She continues to amaze us everyday with how strong she is and how much she can do already. She also is giving us a run for our money, cause we have no idea what we are doing!! 

I told our pediatrician to bear with me as I think that everything is wrong with her. We have been focusing our attention on her this past month and learning with her. We were able to bless her the first of January and celebrate our first Valentine's Day together. We also were feeling a little sorry for ourselves and even though we said we weren't going to go back to Disneyland for awhile....we caved and felt that's what we needed for a quick pick me up. Our happy place did not disappoint and we had a fantastic, although different, Disneyland experience. 

Our little Valentine...love her!

So in the name of Family History and to preserve our memories, I will strive to be better at my blogging and try to do at least 2 posts in the month of February!
How's that for an oath and goal!