MaggieAugust 27, 2010
6 lbs. 10 oz.
19 in.
My baby girl decided that she had had enough and she wanted to join the party out in this world.
While watching the KSL story, I started to feel some contractions, but they were far apart. However, we felt that we should head to bed because we probably weren't going to be getting a full nights rest. Of course at 2:30 I woke up to stronger and closer together contractions. What is it with my children coming in the middle of the night! We waited until we felt we really should go and so we called up our friend/nurse Ashley, who came in 5 min., to come be with Jonas. Kellee came in the morning and got Jonas ready to come up to the hospital.
At 9:23 am (just after I had finished watching Katy Perry perform on the Today show)
Maggie was born.
This is how I spent the next couple days in the hospital and I would trade/sell/give anything in the whole world to go back and stay in this moment forever.
I once thought that Jonas was just the sweetest little boy in the world... that is an understatement.
He is the leading example of patience, love, and understanding.
Jonas has probably had to endure some of the longest days since Maggie was born, listening to Maggie cry, Mommy cry, sitting in doctors offices, Mommy crying some more. Not what I had envisioned for him and for that I feel guilt and I'm sorry Jonas.
My Maggie is perfect. She didn't have one scratch or bruise on her face and is the tiniest thing I've ever held. But my sweet little girl already has to face the challenges that this life will bring her. Something I wasn't prepared for to happen this early and I have to admit am really struggling with. I don't know what I was expecting. We knew that she has SMA, so we were going to give her some meds right from the start. Well this med is the most awful tasting drug and really started to mess up her eating. Plus I've never heard a little girl cry so hard and so sad before. It broke my heart. So the alternative was to put a ng tube down her nose.
That is when I stepped back into reality.
My Maggie has SMA. She will lose her strong perfect swallow. She will lose that firm tight grip when she holds my finger while eating. Her legs will stop kicking. Her perfect tummy will hold a gtube. Her strong lungs will struggle to take a breath. So many other things.
I am in a place that I left a long time ago when Jonas was first diagnosed. It was so hard to leave that place and I wonder if I ever can again. The sinking pit in my stomach is back.
I pray every moment that I can go on and be that strong person I was again. Whats keeping me going.. Whit. He is so strong, so sure, so brave. Jonas, so patient, so calm. Maggie, so tough, so beautiful, so perfect.
For now..live each day and just keep breathing and think of these two angels.
6 lbs. 10 oz.
19 in.
My baby girl decided that she had had enough and she wanted to join the party out in this world.
While watching the KSL story, I started to feel some contractions, but they were far apart. However, we felt that we should head to bed because we probably weren't going to be getting a full nights rest. Of course at 2:30 I woke up to stronger and closer together contractions. What is it with my children coming in the middle of the night! We waited until we felt we really should go and so we called up our friend/nurse Ashley, who came in 5 min., to come be with Jonas. Kellee came in the morning and got Jonas ready to come up to the hospital.
At 9:23 am (just after I had finished watching Katy Perry perform on the Today show)
Maggie was born.
This is how I spent the next couple days in the hospital and I would trade/sell/give anything in the whole world to go back and stay in this moment forever.
I once thought that Jonas was just the sweetest little boy in the world... that is an understatement.He is the leading example of patience, love, and understanding.
Jonas has probably had to endure some of the longest days since Maggie was born, listening to Maggie cry, Mommy cry, sitting in doctors offices, Mommy crying some more. Not what I had envisioned for him and for that I feel guilt and I'm sorry Jonas.
My Maggie is perfect. She didn't have one scratch or bruise on her face and is the tiniest thing I've ever held. But my sweet little girl already has to face the challenges that this life will bring her. Something I wasn't prepared for to happen this early and I have to admit am really struggling with. I don't know what I was expecting. We knew that she has SMA, so we were going to give her some meds right from the start. Well this med is the most awful tasting drug and really started to mess up her eating. Plus I've never heard a little girl cry so hard and so sad before. It broke my heart. So the alternative was to put a ng tube down her nose.
That is when I stepped back into reality.
My Maggie has SMA. She will lose her strong perfect swallow. She will lose that firm tight grip when she holds my finger while eating. Her legs will stop kicking. Her perfect tummy will hold a gtube. Her strong lungs will struggle to take a breath. So many other things.
I am in a place that I left a long time ago when Jonas was first diagnosed. It was so hard to leave that place and I wonder if I ever can again. The sinking pit in my stomach is back.
I pray every moment that I can go on and be that strong person I was again. Whats keeping me going.. Whit. He is so strong, so sure, so brave. Jonas, so patient, so calm. Maggie, so tough, so beautiful, so perfect.
For now..live each day and just keep breathing and think of these two angels.
24 comments:
Oh the tears, seeing Jonas and his baby sister! Congrats mommy and daddy and big brother Jonas!
It is wonderful to see them together. Congratulations in your new addition to your family. If you need anything please let me know. HUGS!
What beautiful angels they are! I love seeing them together. That is one thing I wish so badly we could have done with our boys. Keep doing it. Let yourself cry and mourn. You have perfect angels but this life must be endured first. You can do it. It may not be easy but in the eternal prospective it is worth it.
Love of love
i'm so happy for you. she is beautiful. I would love to come hold her and riley and jonas can hang out.
We love you all and are so happy to see sweet Maggie. She is beautiful! We love you and pray for your little family all the time. You are amazing and just hang in there! We love you!! XOXOX The Nykamps
so beautiful Lindsey. You are sweet and strong. I still think about the talk you gave on Mothers day...it makes me resolved to love more deeply and try to see the bigger pictures. She is beautiful and the pictures with your two kids is so tender.
Lindsay and Whit,
I have blog stalked you for a while now :) I am so amazed by you and your faith, courage and strength. Your children are beautiful, and you two sure are special in Heavenly Father's eyes to be trusted with these spirits. Thank you for sharing yourselves. FAA'ITO'ITO (that means courage, and power in tahitian.)
-Katie Athens
You are truly amazing. As a mother, as a woman, as a daughter of God, I admire you. Thank you for being willing to share your strength and your struggles with all of us.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sarah
Lindsey, I am a friend of your cousin Jessica. I have followed your blog for months.
I find strength in your every word. Don't for one minute think you're not strong BECAUSE you are.
We just had our 3rd baby girl about 8 weeks ago, our own little Maggie. Believe me, don't beat yourself up over the guilt of not being there for Jonas because I also have done the same with my two older children. I think they had the worst summer of their lives. It's hard! But I think they understand and realize much more then we think they do.
Your children are beautiful and you really ARE the best mom for them. Thanks for being my daily inspiration. You make me want to be a better mom.
Kendi
Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. What a beautiful name you have given her! We are sending lots of love and prayers your way during the next few months with your new little one. How wonderful for Jonas to have a sibling...I am sure they will be the bet of friends ;)
Also, as a side note, while Nicholas was at Doernbecher's at OHSU for 2 weeks, we had a nurse named Sarah (sorry I don't know her last name) who went to medical school with Whit in Utah. She mentioned your family and I told her I read your blog and she has fantastic things to say about your family.
I absolutely love the pictures. All of them. I can't say that I understand having two children with sma but I do understand not being able to give them all the attention we think they need and it is so hard. I pray that you will have the strength and peace that i have received in so many Moments where I have felt so inadequate to be the mother of my children. You will be blessed and we will continue to pray for you guys during this bitter sweet time. Lots of hugs.
Congratulations on your beautiful daughter's arrival! I love her round little cheeks and beautiful hair! You are amazing and your faith and hope are an inspiration to me. Don't feel badly when you have hard days- you are doing great. My love to you all!
Hi Lindsey and Whit! First congratulations on Maggie! She is just a doll and I love the picture of Jonas checking her out at the hospital!
Lindsey I know we have never met, but just wanted to say I am so sorry. I know your hearts sorrow and I know that it can be so unbearable. From one SMA mom to another my heart literally hurts for you guys. I do not know if this is helpful or not but one thing I can say that I wish I would have done sooner is the NG tube for getting PBA down. It was a constant struggle that Hodges beyond hated, I dreaded and most of the time a lot of it did not get down so left me anxious to disease pregression because of just not being able to get it into his body. Once we started the ng tube,with abby's help I learned to put it down three times a day just for the meds and then he was ng free the rest of the day. Once I got the hang of it I had wished I would have tried it sooner and it was much less tramatic for Hodge then spending 30 minutes to an hour to get Hodge to swallow a couple of ccs.
I know Whit is right there in the Swoboda team so you literally do not need any recomendations but just thought I would offer how much the ng helped with getting PBA down.
Hugs and prayers for you guys!
Ashley
Jonas and Maggie are beautiful and obviously cherished! Your pictures are great, and I really love the one of you holding them both.
I am 24/7 vent dependent from CCHS, and run the Blog for the support group for kids on vents that my mom owns. You are most welcome to join! We have a number of other SMA families in the group (at least one of whom you know.) Check out our Blog and use the contact form if you want to join: http://kids-with-vents.blogspot.com/
God Bless,
Deborah
Hey, its Becca (Boorman) Church. I have been reading your blog for a while but never commented. Your new baby is adorable and so is Jonas! You guys are stronger than I will ever be and are such an example! You are in my prayers! You are doing a great job with these 2 little angels.
Tell Whit congrats on graduating nursing school! I am a nurse too and know how difficult school was. That is so awesome that he works for a doctor that works with SMA kids.
She is beautiful! I love that one of you guys in the hospital. We love you guys!!
She is so Beautiful!! I love the pictures of them together!
Congratulations! They are absolutely adorable together. I hope you all are getting at least a little bit of sleep. If you need anything let me know. Your doing all the right things momma, your kids love you to pieces!
Hi Lindsay,
We don't know each other but I worked with Whit at Dr. Swoboda's office. Just wanted to congratulate your family on the new arrival! I'm sorry you will have to go through this again. I will keep your family in my prayers!
Elaine
Dear Whit, Lindsey, Jonas and Maggie: What an inspiration you are to all who know you - and who do not -like me. We have some common friends. I am so touched by Jonas's story. What wonderful parents you are. How special to think you were chosen as his parents, and as Maggie's. My heart breaks though and I wish I could fix it all for you. Please know there are many out there who have you in their hearts and in their prayers. We surely will.
All my love - Ashley Richards
ashleymrich@gmail.com
Welcome Maggie! What a beautiful baby girl!! That photo of the three of you is so amazing. I hope you find the strength you need in those moments of intense trial. You inspires us all.
Welcome to the world sweet Maggie! Keeping you all in our prayers as the newborn days unfold. I wonder if you will have the same gorgeous eyes that your big brother Noah has?
I have a package heading your way soon! I need to finish a few items before I can pop it in the mail!
Hi Lindsey, I just saw the YouTube video. I wish you four all the best! I recently have decided to visualize my life as a garden plot that the Lord has trusted me with, and there's a compost heap in the corner that the Lord takes care of. It has worries and jealousies and stress and temptations and anything else that I can't deal with alone. I even got out some markers and drew that. :) It seemed to help so much to specifically see what I can just leave in His hands. Sorry if this is preaching. I just thought you might like to try it when things get crazy. Lots of love from the Glausers.
Whit and Lindsay, I rarely leave comments on blogs of individuals that I do not know personally but I wanted you to know that your sweet family is such an example of strength to so many....including me! And even though you may often feel like your strength is about to run out, your tender illustration of love and commitment to your children and each other is changing so many lives around you. Thank you for sharing your life and struggles with all of us, I have loved reading every word you share. Your two little precious babies are so perfect! I love the picture of you holding them both in the hospital after Maggie was born....what sweet blessings they are. Much love to you all and many prayers too :)
Post a Comment