Silence

Sorry for the absence...its been quiet not only on here, but at our house as well. 

Every night as I lie in my bed, I don't hear the noises that I normally would. 

I don't hear the hum of her machines, I don't hear her breathing, I don't hear her feeding pump alarming that it's done, I don't hear her talking in her room when she's awake. 

I just hear silence and it breaks my heart again. I miss her.

Whit and I have kept ourselves busy, busy. It's been almost a month since Whit has gone to work. He was saving up for exactly this situation and I am so glad that he did. One morning he went on an early chore and I felt that depressing weight of being alone.

I know, I sound super depressed and in a small way I am, but at the same time we are fine. We have a great reason to keep going and are so grateful for our little Eleanor.  She breaks up that silence and keeps us smiling and getting out of bed.

What a month October was...we came in with such anticipation and excitement. I had so many plans and was ahead of myself in preparing for those plans. I had bought Maggie her Halloween costume, I had bought her a winter coat, hat, and gloves, I had bought her Christmas jammies and even a couple Christmas presents. I NEVER do that! I never buy early and the one time....how rude. 

We have been given so much love though! Such sweet words of love on Facebook, emails, cards, in person. We've been given meal after meal, delicious treats, beautiful flowers and acts of service like mowing our lawn and being "heart attacked". 

Prayers have been felt and because of all of this our spirits have been lifted.

Like with Jonas, I want to share every last picture I have of Maggie. Time got away from me and I never finished our California trip and then some random happenings that we had up until she passed. I want to share ALL the fun times we had...that would make me happy. 

It would feel like she is still here with me to share.