a tube going down our nose multiple times a day... or this...
a flawless tummy.
Maggie will be getting her G-tube this week and I am dying. This is something that can not be avoided any longer and I know that. Maggie still does pretty good eating from her bottle, but it's a hit and miss thing. More than not we have to help her finish the bottle with her NG tube (down her nose). She has handled that since she was 3 days old and is a pro at letting us put it down for her. Still not the most comfortable thing in the world. When she is sick, not fun at all. So, I know that it is the best thing for her. I just don't know why I am having such a hard time coming to grips with this. I was super excited ( ok not super excited) but ready for Jonas to get his, but it is so different with Maggie. I even gave another mother encouraging words about a g-tube and how 'it's the "best" thing ever! Don't be afraid.' Now here I am being upset and digging my heals again. I do that a lot. I don't know if it's because I have had a taste of "normal" for so long it's hard to let go. If it's because I know what to expect now and as much as it is good, it's not. It makes me upset to think of Maggie having to go through this.
I will never forget going to see Jonas for the first time after his surgery and seeing the look in his eyes. He was scared, but trying to be so brave and as soon as he saw his mommy he let the tears come. It broke my heart. I don't want to see that look in Maggie's eyes too.
Oh, I'm a slow acceptor of change. I'm not always positive about things, but I hope the key is that one day I can be ok. Soon she will just have an extra belly button. Until it happens, I can't help but wish that it never would.
I know I don't need to really ask, but keep Maggie in your prayers this week if you could.
16 comments:
Will be thinking of you guys and hoping it goes as smoothly as possible
Well, you sound completely normal to me, Lindsey. There are a lot of situations in this world that are "both" - they have upsides and downsides. Now that I think of it, there are very few that aren't like that.
And you are the most normal mother in the world to feel "two ways at once" about this g-tube. Of course you want the best for Maggie, and of course you hate with all your heart that any such thing has to happen at all. I hate it with you. And I love it if it helps Maggie in any way. And I still hate it.
So I am right there with you. You can be sure I will be praying for Maggie and all of you this week.
She just could not be any sweeter. And I miss Jonas every single day - and not anywhere near what you feel.
Praying here,
Cathy in Missouri
I think your feelings are totally appropriate. I hope everything goes smoothly and I will say a prayer for Miss Maggie.
Hugs love and prayers for you and sweet Maggie.
It sounds normal and typical for a parent with a child facing all these touhg things. I think for any parent, surgery for their child is a scray thing, It doesn't matter how minor it is, surgery is surgery and watching your baby wheeled away without you is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face. Think of great it will be for Maggie, though. Like you said, no more of that yucky nose tube. I dug my heels in about Nicholas getting his g-tube and it landed him in the hospital and he got it then. I wish I had done it sooner. You are an excellent mommy to feel the way to you do and to love your daughter so. I will be praying for you, Whit, and Maggie!
You guys are amazing. We're ALWAYS praying for you and little Maggie!!
Dear Lindsey,
Your little Maggie is gorgeous! Of course you don't want one thing done to her. And of course you know the course. May it be completely different for Maggie and all of you. Keep thinking about how wonderful and healthy she is. I will be thinking right along with you. All best to you and your family.
Julia.
Oh Lindsey, I am just crushed. I knew this was part of Maggie's future, but seeing her cute chubs made me forget. She is doing so well. She is so strong. And I know this will all be the norm soon...but still...this is a tough thing to begin. Sending you guys so many hugs and so much love always.
sending hugs and happy thoughts your way. You are so brave ~ we love you!!
Your family is always in my prayers and in our family prayers.
We love you all so much!
Kim, Suz, TJ and Rylee
Praying continually for you, Whit and Miss Maggie....sending you much positive energy!!
be well,
Lisa :)
This takes me back to the week that Lucy got her G-tube. I ache for you and we will pray for sweet Maggie. You are totally okay for thinking the way you think! I admire your honesty and braveness:) Lots of hugs to you guys.
All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers as always. I was thinking about you guys and Jonas last Saturday. Zak and I came across the interactive puzzles you have, that Jonas and I used to always play with. Couldn't leave without buying one of our own. Love that boy and love you guys. Keep me posted on Maggie.
we're thinking of you, little maggie! good luck!
i remember handing riley over to the surgeon and him walking away. I lost it right there! such a wierd feeling. She will be so brave. I hope she makes a speedy recovery. love you guys
Sending hugs and prayers your way!!
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